Misunderstood

There are times when I want to go to a place where nobody knows my name. I can be anonymous and do the things I want without having people to notice me. I do not have to worry about the gossips that might be speculating or bother about people badmouthing me. Most of all I do not have to try hard not to be misunderstood by the people around me.

Experiences tell me that the hardest thing to deal with is being misunderstood. It is because people might have gotten the wrong side of you without you intending it to happen and if that happens for the first time that you have known someone, it could last forever. It has been said that first impression last for a lifetime so that explains all and no matter what you do to make it up it is unlikely that people will forget. After almost 7 years of chatting in Internet Relay Chat (IRC) I have made a lot of friends. I cannot call all of them my good friends neither can I call them my enemies but I know I have left a certain kind of impressions on those people. Each one of them must have had a different point of view about me, and this I can guarantee. I have never intentionally wanted to make any enemies which I believe is shared by many other chatters but I have to admit that it could happen in the process of making friends or being friends.

Words spoken spontaneously could have offended another and a harmless joke could mark the end of a friendship between two old friends. It happened before and it will happen again if we are not careful with our manners. Our actions out of care and concern might be mistaken as a move to hit on somebody else’s girlfriend. We knew what we were doing, we knew what was being said but still it is hard for us to convince people that we have been misunderstood. It doesn't take a lot to be misunderstood. All it takes is just one simple action from us and a few words spoken. People will talk and the gossipmongers will play their part and make mountains out of molehill and blow things out of proportions. They will feel proud that they know the story and they are not shy to even ask for more. This is simply the reality and sadly we have to live with it.

I have come across people from all walks of life with diverse personalities. Some are pleasant and some are unpleasant. I have met the ones I feel comfortable with and to those I feel otherwise I remain a virtual friend to them. It is such a small world when we are the minority. This belief is further strengthened when friends of mine knew other friends of mine and it goes on and on. I believe the reason for this is because we all knew each other from the same source and this resulted in the high probability that everybody knows everybody without realising. We are link to each other like the spider web.

We may have known someone unofficially and heard awful stories about her. From there we have created our own biased and unfound opinions towards her without even knowing her. And if we have the habits of talking too much we will be the source to those gossips that will spread like wildfire. What is even worst, if we have the talent to make up stories and if we enjoy it as a pastime, we would and that will result in people getting misunderstood.

A few simple spoken words or maybe one or two actions of us which, accidentally are not pleasing to other parties whom happen to have grudges against us for reasons only God knows can lead to a misunderstanding. We asked ourselves what did we do wrong? We told ourselves that we only wanted to make friends. We assured ourselves that we did not at all mean anything bad to happen and yet we were thought of to be the caused of a broken relationship, which has a history of going on, and off as and when it deems necessary by the relevant parties. We heard stories about us and we say when did I ever do that?

It’s a shame to be thought of as the reason for a sweet relationship turned sour but it's funny to be the reason for an already sour infact stale relationship turned fungus. It is pathetic for the accusing party to conveniently point fingers at others without looking in the mirror to analyse oneself. People whom we thought of to be an angel turned devilish overnight. People whom we thought are trustworthy turned out to be a great liar. People whom we thought of to be sincere are actually the great pretenders. Sadly people whom we thought are good in reality are in fact your worst nightmares. We have this great fear to be close to them anymore.

We look at their faces and the imaginative sides of us see them with dark eyes, with razor sharp yellow teeth with feelers sticking out of their heads and they wear this costumes that resembles the costume of Bat Man complete with hood. And we let out a small shriek and pinch ourselves. It saddens us even more that the truth have been manipulated to make oneself looks innocent and convincing words are said to influence opinions and gain unpopular and sympathy votes. Everybody told me that in order for you to be a lawyer you have to be a liar but I believe that you can be a liar without being anybody. We can lie as and when necessary at the expense of others to win the situation and ultimately have the upper hand. When confronted, we can twist and turn our words and slip out of the maze unnoticed because that is what we are, slimy snakes. We are capable to become one.

We look at people and give so called professional comments on the way they dress, they way they blow their cigarette smoke and the way they are, failing to look at ourselves in the mirror. We make stories of how someone tried to come on to us; we created sick stories of people falling in love with us. We give reasons for our mistakes that are too good to be true. We get so frighten because we think someone is trying to steal our girlfriend and then we make threats trying to make ourselves sounds scary but ironically we have become the laughing stock to some people.

It is ironic that how we have grown up so much over the years still, we can be childish and immature at times over small petty issues which is not even worth to make a movie with cheap budget.

To err is human but to make up stories and gossips about things that did not happen at all is utterly despicable. It is unbelievable that people would do such a thing to bring to life their cunning intentions. It’s disgusting beyond descriptions and explanations. Those kinds of people deserve no handshake but instead in my most professional opinion deserve a spit in their faces.

A friend said, to have misunderstandings with others are parts and parcels of life. But when we are misunderstood too often it can be frustrating especially over issues that seem not worthy of big time attention. Many have misunderstood me. The personality that I portray online might contradict my true personality offline. Maybe I just do not know how to send the correct message and avoid being misunderstood or perhaps I am so unlucky to make friends with people whom girlfriends are so insecure and edgy. I spend my time scratching my head when I am alone thinking. I want to explain things, I want to defend myself and I want to say how sorry I am but I have grown bored of these kinds of situations.

It’s really boring, childish and pointless to be having anything against someone over a girl. It’s not worth it. I have always believed that if she is meant for you, she will be yours for eternity regardless what are the circumstances and obstacles. And if she is honest and sincere with you, she will not be giving you doubt and make you feel like you are being cheated. I have been cheated and have been played out before but I couldn't be bothered at all to threaten or to warn the other party to stay away because I find it too dramatic and impractical. If she loves you she will stay with you if she doesn't, let her go. That’s my number one love rule and I have stuck with it for years and it do me wonders most of the times. I get less heartaches and I bear no grudges. Things happened for reasons and it is all in our hands how to come to terms with the reasons. All these unnecessary misunderstandings could be avoided if we are open enough to accept changes and most important of all the truth. If we just spare a few moments for logic thinking, learn to listen to explanations, let them defend themselves and then make an effort to understand I am sure that things will not turn out badly. Nobody said that it is easy but at least we have to try.

Nobody can deny that we are always remembered for the mistakes than the good deeds we have made. It is so easy for people to wrongly accuse us when we are sincere from the bottom of our heart. We made sacrifices and wish for a better tomorrow. We do not want any trouble and try to behave ourselves. We talk things to people with good intention and few days later we will find fingers pointing at us. We get demoralized and we give up. In our silence we search for an answer. In our isolation we hope for good things to come. We wish for ourselves to be oblivious so that all these troubles will not affect us. We tried to be cool and tried to remain calm. We brush away all the negative ideas. After all that has happened we still hope that good things will come out of it. We hope and we keep on hoping because hope springs eternal in the human hearts.

It is very disappointing to know that all our efforts to be a good person have been misunderstood. Those little fights, those small arguments and those silly offensive remarks we made towards someone were all due to some misunderstanding we had. An almost perfect relationship ended because of some small misunderstanding and it is a very sad situation. It is a waste to lose something over petty reasons and we cannot do anything about it. We feel so helpless and useless. We wanted so much to explain things but we are afraid to be misunderstood again. We just leave everything where they are even if it will make us look like the guilty one because we are afraid that one more move to make amends will make things worse. We remained quiet because we just don’t want to fight anymore. It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong. We have had enough and we have decided that it is time for letting go. Never mind if that means we will be thought of as the guilty, the ugly or the bad one. All of it doesn't matter anymore. We just want to erase the unpleasant memories and get on with life even if it means without the one we love most. We came to this world in peace and we want to leave in peace. That’s all that matters.

An old but not a close friend of mine called me immature, unwise and childish when I passed a rather direct cruel remarks that was supposed to be a harmless joke. I never took offence. Something happened before that could spark a small flame into inferno. Things have settled down but the heat is still on and when I passed that remark, it was like adding fuel to a dying flame, and that dying flame rekindled. I am playful and naughty with my buddies therefore, perhaps I could be careless and unintentionally offended her.

I let the matter rest in peace for now. I never bothered to apologise because I am tired of apologising and I am tired of forgiving. I think I have come to a stage where it really doesn't matter anymore what people would think of me. It makes no difference because I have learnt that you just can't please everybody and the more you try the more you will be misunderstood. I just have to say no more. I will not let myself be affected by those imbecile moronic nincompoops because I know where I stand. I just want to live my life as long as I am breathing with the few good friends I have left and with the love of my family. For those who have anything against me, live and let live. Say whatever you want because that won't change a bit of how I feel about you. Come to think of it, we might even have misunderstood each other. For all the threats and hatreds I have created among people towards me, I will say fuck it, life is short live hard.