Self Sufficient

It is nearly midnight, and I can see that if I don’t make a start with writing this thoughts of mine now, I never shall. All the evening I have been sitting here trying to force myself to begin, but the more I have thought about it, the more appalled and ashamed and distressed I have become by the whole thing. Listening to the radio with Christina Aquilera singing ‘Beautiful’ at the background reminds me of a dear person. And quietly I allowed myself to reminisce at the times I had spent with her which brought me to remember what we had discussed earlier in class today.

When asked by my lecturer, if it is possible for humans to be self-sufficient in almost anything, most of my course mates agreed that it is possible unanimously. However, I stood out from them because I simply do not agree. There is no right and wrong answer for that question neither there is good and bad answers. It is just how you argue and make your stand on what you believe. The question is general and everybody is entitled to his own beliefs.

Growing up, I have always thought that being self-sufficient is desirable and I would like to be like that. But as I get older and after my fair share of life experiences, I finally realised that it is not an ideal idea at all. One has to understand and know very well of what it means for being self-sufficient. It means, you can do everything and anything on your own. Able to provide for oneself without the help of others; being independent. I do not and never deny that we cannot at all be self-sufficient but I definitely do not agree to the idea of self-sufficient in anything and everything.

To name one of the composite personality entities of human’s character; Emotions are downright beyond doubt the most difficult for us to handle. This view, I believe is shared by many. This explains why there are people like Anthony Robbins and there are professions that we call, psychologist and psychiatrist. They are mental doctors who treat people with emotional problems who are mentally sick.

Having been in a period of depression for quite some time has taught me a lot about how I look at life. All those while I thought I could do it alone – I was wrong. Nobody can deny that we need someone or something that motivates and inspire us to achieve what we have desired. We need support, help and encouragement. A saying that goes ‘ there is a woman behind every man’s success’ is very true. All of us need someone. Everybody needs a friend. To be successful or not to be, we need that someone whom we can talk to about anything else – our communication channel.

I have to admit that I do not have many friends that I can hang out with. But the friends that I have currently are all my trusted friends and they are all trustworthy people who never fail to help me when I am in need. Quantity doesn’t prove much if they are of no quality. That is what I have always believed.

An incident happened that made me wonder what are promises really for. I have heard people say that promises are made to be broken. People make promises as easily as they break them. People utter the word of love as easily as they take it back. And people accused one another over a broken love. Refusing to analyse the reasons behind what had happen, instead taking all the opportunities available to conveniently point the finger at another. How smart are they to get away from their own faults and guilt. It always makes me wonder why do people feel insecure over the thoughts that someone might make a move on their girlfriend just because she has grown close with someone. Life has always taught me that if we treat our loved ones right, we need not worry about being dumped. We need not worry about being cheated. But, if we do not treat our loved ones like how they are supposed to be treated, then we cannot blame them if they have developed feelings over someone. However, there are times when shits just happen even when we treat her right. Nevertheless, we have to bear in mind that it always takes two to tango. That is a fact and we have to live with it.

A friend has just broken up with her girlfriend recently and it is a very sad situation. I was being accused for being the cause of the break up and was being confronted about it by another person (whom I would like to call ‘Miss Judge Wannabe’. Even though she lacks the professional qualifications but mind you, credits should be given to her for trying) whom have been told about the story. I wasn’t angry or sad but I almost laughed at the idea that I was being the cause for it. This gives me strong reasons to believe that humans can never be self-sufficient emotionally even though how hard they try to be.

When I was being confronted, I took it in my stride to retaliate defending myself. It is not that I was right or wrong but I just feel that I had to defend myself because in a situation like that, an act of defence is certainly required especially when it comes from a Miss Judge Wannabe. And the rest of the story was history. Nevertheless, it made me wonder if I was really the cause of it? I am not sure.

I comprehend the reason behind what that has happened between my friend’s girlfriend and I. I can understand her situation. And I would very much like to apologise to her if it is really my fault. But I believe that it is not my fault and how can I apologise for some wrong which I did not commit? I have been in and out of love before but whatever the outcome of my love, I know I cannot easily and readily blame others without analysing what went wrong about it first. If we are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to our estimate of it; and this we have the power to revoke at any moment. If I had gone overboard chatting which I might not realised, please accept my apologies dear friend, but I will never allow myself to be the cause of a break up between two people in love. There are much more to say but I guess some things are better to be left unspoken.

It took me sometime contemplating on the thoughts of including the above paragraphs for all to read and see but come to think of it, I am not an emotionally self-sufficient person. I need a channel to vent out my frustrations and anger that has been building up inside me. This is the channel I have chose and I will not let myself be a victim to circumstances and situations anymore. Lee Lacocca said that in times of great adversity and stress, it is always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive. Is this a positive move? I do not know for sure but I know I am just writing my thoughts and everybody has the right to criticise as they wish. Be not afraid of growing slowly but be afraid only of standing still.

We did some research in school and it was not an easy one, students complaining trying to voice out their disapproval over some heavy duty school chores. Quietly I think back and realised that if we are not trying to take up difficult task that is within our capabilities, how are we supposed to make some progress? To know our limits, we have to push ourselves. Whatever course we decide upon, we have to finish it, and in the process, there will always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising, which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. It is then up to us how to map out a course of action and follow it to an end with whatever we have; courage, determination, motivations and moral support from ourselves and from the people we are close to. This brings us back to self-sufficient. To be motivated is the main ingredient to do and to accomplish anything. Even people like Andre Agassi and Nelson Mandela hired people like Anthony Robbins to give them talks on motivations to inspire them. But we are all not people who are born with a silver spoon in the mouth. We surely cannot afford Anthony Robbins. Therefore, another alternative we have is to get all the inspirations and motivations we need from our loved ones.

Ultimately, we need people to talk to, someone to confide in no matter how strong we may seem from the outside. I am not sure why, but I guessed we are just being made to be like that. We are after all innocent like Our Lady Peace always singing at the top of his lungs. And all of us have the rights to do what we think is best for us because we are being back by the facts that we are all Youth of The Nation and this is agreeable to all till P.O.D successfully made a song out of it.