Letting Go

I spent my Sunday at the local neighbourhood videocassette disc (VCD) shop browsing around for any good movie that was on offer and I saw this VCD that immediately gave me the urge to buy. It is almost 21 years ago when I first watched the great Extra-Terrestrial movie, which is popularly known as ET. It is a story about a little lost alien, three million light years away from home. There is no doubt that ET is a captivating classic that has embraced everyone with its magic touch. I was five years old and I was at the age where I was easily influenced and believe the made-believe.

After watching the movie then, I was so into the most popular bicycle at that time, BMX. I still remembered that almost every kid in the neighbourhood wanted to own one of those bicycles. It was the craze of the time. For those well-off families, getting a BMX bicycle for their kids on their birthday at that time was an honour. And you will see on the next day, these kids riding their rightly owned bicycle proudly in the neighbourhood. They rode like there was no tomorrow and at the same time showing off to the other kids who could do nothing else but just envy and look wishing that their own parents would buy them a BMX bicycle as a birthday gift. I was the kid who could only afford to look and wished that I could have one. I did, but only after six years ET was a hit movie.

I am twenty-five going on twenty-six this year and watching the movie again for the first time after 21 years, I did not fancy BMX bicycles anymore. What captivated me and caught my attention was the bond that has been developed between ET and Elliot, the ten-year-old boy who wanted willingly to take ET home. It made me think how special relationship could be established between two living things on earth with little time and many obstacles. While I was watching the movie, I studied it and I began to realise that love knows no boundaries and love exist in anybody and anything that breathes.

It has been said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Everybody knows that nobody’s perfect. We sometimes fall for people who are totally opposite of us, opposite attraction they say. But still, we all have hopes that the relationship might work because we believe that it will. We believe that love was the cause for us being together.

As in the case for ET and Elliot, it was obviously love. The love is so pure and sincere that they both protect and defend each other from the people who try to separate them. Elliot tried so hard to send ET back home where it belong however he can that is within his capabilities. Even if at times he has to do things that are beyond his means, he would still try, although it means getting himself into troubles. The things Elliot went through for ET to go home were touching and heart-warming. Imagine what is ET and how it looks like compared to good looking ten-year-old Elliot. But Elliot doesn’t even think about that because he has been overwhelmed by how he feels towards ET, he was emotionally involved with ET. He feels for ET and so does ET. That is the bond I have admired and idolised.

Watching how desperately Elliot with the help of his brother and friends tried to escape from the authorities. How they wanted so much for ET to go home, with their BMX bicycles, trying to outrun and outsmart the authorities. They almost couldn’t make it until ET helped them with its magic finger. They flew high up in the sky and managed in the nick of time to see ET off to home. Elliot was sad but he knows he had to let ET go. I remembered what Elliot told ET.

‘We could be happy here. Don’t go ET. I will take care of you. I will make sure that no one hurt you. We can grow old together`.

Elliot wanted so much for ET to stay but he knew ET had to go and he has to let ET go. Watching Elliot bid his farewell to ET was sad and heartbreaking. They hugged, they cried and ET pointed his magic finger at Elliot’s head and said,

‘I’ll be right here…’

ET left for home and brought back with him the vase of flowers that he had a connection with. And I guess Elliot continued back with his life as normal if the story was real. That’s what most of us would do isn’t it? We get on with life after letting go of our loved ones. No matter how hard it is, each and one of us have to learn to let go of the people whom we have loved. It’s not easy but we have to, someday, when the time comes. It can be hurtful and heartsick but I guess that is just parts and parcels of life and love. We gain and we lost. We lost and we found. It’s a cycle that never dies.

I have seen my good friend cry so hard for her girlfriend when she has to let her go for some common reasons. I saw the look in her face and I saw the sadness in her eyes. The tears she cried were genuine and I could really feel the sadness that has enveloped her. I felt sorry for her and at the same time, asked myself what would I do if it were to happen to me. Soon, I too found myself in that situation. I felt so angry inside that I feel like the whole world is against me. I hated everybody and I kept to myself. I chose the people whom I wanted to talk to and I ignored the people whom I thought were a waste of time. Everyday, the anger grew bigger and bigger, it’s snowballing and I didn’t realise it. Not wanting to give in, I remained angry. I allowed myself to stay angry without knowing I am hurting myself. I shut the world away and I asked everybody to stay away. I became aloof and unfriendly. It’s sad, scary and it’s very hurtful.

Slowly, I began talking to my friends back. And I have become calmer. I started learning to look things at many angles. I stopped looking at things as only black and white and I started to leave some space for grey areas. I took control of my emotions instead of becoming a victim to my own feelings. Even though the pain still come sometimes I know I cannot let the anger builds up inside me again. I have begun to accept and come to terms with the fact that I no longer can live my dreams with her. Life goes on and we just have to live with it.

Have you guys ever felt it? You miss someone so much but yet you cannot say it because you are afraid, you are afraid of getting hurt again. Somehow, you know where you stand in that person’s life and you know you cannot be the one even though how much you wanted to be the one. All the promising talks and convincing promises have all become trash talks and empty promises. And it’s a great shame. Shame on you for loving her too much, shame on you for being hopeful, shame on you for dreaming and thinking of her every second of your life. And after all that, you become very angry. You have developed anger against yourself and the only thing you have to do is to talk about it openly. Express yourself readily in order to come to terms with the pain and loss. But you know you don’t want to do it because you just don’t want to think about it and talk about it. Because in your mind, the more you talk about it, the angrier you will become at her. You simply do not want any traces of memories you have with her. You wanted to stay away from her. You believe that staying away from her is how you protect yourself from her. Refusing to forgive her is not only how you punish her: it is also how you keep from getting close enough for her to hurt you again, and nine times out of ten, it works but there is only a serious side effect. It is called bitterness and it can do terrible things to the human body and soul. And people say it is unhealthy. To bottle things up is not a good thing to do.

Consciously or unconsciously we are all constantly talking to ourselves, sending private messages about who we are and how likely we are to get what we want and need. If the messages are more negative than positive, they can have the effect of lowering our self-esteem. People caught in such a trap are in effect programming themselves to fail or to produce negative behaviour. They go on to behave in accordance with what they expect to happen, reinforcing their destructive negative views. We need to break the vicious circle. We need to change our way of thinking.

I began to realise that I have to be more forgiving. Everybody has to. I have let her go and I allowed myself to reminisce at the times I spent with her. The laughter and the smile on her face came back to me. I smiled and I understand now. I looked back with the sweetest smile and I think of all the good times I had with her. I listened to the song that has a connection to us. All the best memories came back to me and some can even make me cry. In my isolation, I have learnt to be thankful for all the love that I have got. It may not be an eternal love but it was enough for me to keep the memories I had of her with me and carry it into my life journey. I have her with me in the background. It could be forever till the day I die or it could be for as long as I want to till a new person comes along. I do not know and I am not sure. Love gains and lost and loves lost and found but the memories stay with me and no one can take it away. Just like what ET told Elliot, ‘I’ll be right here…’ while pointing his magic finger at Elliot’s head.